Reprinted with Permission From:

Parent Connection: A Newsletter of the Minnesota Parent Center (info)

Printed Date: Winter 2002

Date Posted on this Website: March 24 2003

Kids: "Don't Bully Me!"
By-- Beth Wohlberg

Rachel has run out of schools for her son. The 13-year-old has been to three different schools in two years, but none has offered what the family considers a comfortable, accepting environment.

Rachel says some of the students at these schools are not supportive. They tease one another. Their comments are sarcastic. Some students are physically abusive-her son was pushed on the football field and shoved down school stairs. This thoughtful, sensitive boy became angry and depressed, and by March, he didn't want to go to school anymore. He stayed in school almost until the very end-but eight days before the last day, he refused to go anymore.

"He absorbed all of the negative comments," Rachel says. "He personalized it. Then the kids victimized him more because they saw it affected him."

Rachel doesn't blame the teachers or the students. The teachers control the classroom environment, but they couldn't possibly see everything that happened in the lunchroom or during recess, she says.
Rachel's son is still in school, and she hopes that this third school will prove to be better than the first two. She says she doesn't blame the other students in her son's classes, but she wants school administrators to recognize the insensitive behavior
among students.

Call it whatever name you want-bullying, teasing, harassment, violence-the result is the same for many children: They stay home from school, become angry or consider moving to another school.

In the 2000 Minnesota Student Survey, only 19 percent of students said they felt "very safe" at school-the lowest level ever reported since the survey began in 1994. Another 19 percent of students reported that violence at school makes them feel less eager to attend school; 12 percent said violence makes them think about changing schools; and 30 percent said it makes them angry.

Students need to learn respect, acceptance, compassion and cooperation, many experts say.

"The way they feel in school is going to make a huge difference in their lives," Rachel says.

The Parent Information and Training Centers know that many children face bullying in school, and the centers offer assistance to parents of special needs kids who request it.

How to Survive Bullying

• Stay with other children-it's harder to bully someone in a group
  
• Walk away from the bully-most bullies pick on people who get upset
  
• Tell an adult about the bullying
  
• Join a club or sport to make good friends and to build confidence
  
• Be strong-the bully is the one with a problem, not you.

Teachers: "Are You a Bully?"
By-- Two school districts in Connecticut who think you could be: Avon and Hartford, Connecticut, are believed to be the first districts in the nation to include teacher behavior in their anti-bullying policies.

Jne Hartford administrator, however, expressed doubt about that conclusion, claiming it would be hard to distinguish between bullying behavior and classroom management strategies.

I beg to differ! Classroom management, according to education expert Harry Wong (See Speaking of Classroom Management: An interview with Harry K. Wong), is the "practices and procedures that allow teachers to teach and students to learn." Bullying, according to Dictionary.com is the practice of being "habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people." In other words, those who can, manage their classrooms. Those who can't, manage their students. The former are educators; the latter are bullies. And, believe me, you can tell the difference!

• Educators let students know they care.
  Bullies let students know who's boss.
  
  
• Educators teach self-control.
  Bullies exert their own control.
  
  
• Educators set ironclad expectations.
  Bullies rule with whims of steel.
  
  
• Educators diffuse minor disruptions with humor.
  Bullies use sarcasm to turn disruptions into confrontations.
  
  
• Educators privately counsel chronic discipline problems.
  Bullies publicly humiliate chronic misbehavers.
  
  
• Educators are judicious.
  Bullies are judgmental.
  
  
• Educators, aware of the power they wield over their students, choose their words and actions carefully.
  Bullies wield their power recklessly, frequently resorting to anger and intimidation.
  
  
• Educators help all students feel successful.
  Bullies punish students for being unsuccessful.
  
  
• Educators address misbehavior.
  Bullies attack the character of the misbehavers.
  
  
• Educators see each student's uniqueness.
  Bullies compare children to one another.
  
  
• Educators treat all students with respect.
  Bullies make it clear that not all students deserve respect.
  
  
• Educators highlight good behavior.
  Bullies make examples of poor behavior.
  
  
• Educators are proactive; they create classroom environments that minimize student misbehavior.
  Bullies are reactive; they blame students for the lack of order in their classrooms.
  
  
• Educators educate.
  Bullies humiliate.
  
  
• Educators exude confidence in their ability to maintain order in their classrooms.
  Bullies barely conceal their terror of losing control.

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